Karl H. Timmerman M.A.J.D. 2003
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to the
MoBar Solo and Small Firm Internet Group

SEPTEMBER 12, 2003
Greets and Huggers.  Posted the evening of September 12, 2003. Read the "Zevon" posts with interest  .... the one that struck home was my dear friend Alan Clever's post about dying with "grace".  One of the best books I have EVER read is "How We Die: Reflections on Life's Final Chapter", by Dr. Sherwin B. Nuland
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/stores/detail/-/books/0679742441/reviews/002-9095934-2218441#06797424415123 , A MUST READ. A couple of years back, I went to a "Family Law" CLE at Crown Center ... after sitting there for a couple of hours, bored to death ...  I walked to Walden's at Crown Center and bought the book, read it during the CLE and stayed up till 3 in the morning finishing it off.  The book, the information shared, is that good, that interesting, that enlightening.  Even though I have seen death, the book changed the way I look at death. No doubt, you and I will die ..... we have no control over that .... but we do have control over how we die.  I do not fear dying, (I know I will have a resurrected body, albeit with no genitalia [Mark 12, 23- 27]  .... hehehe .... guess Susan and I will look like a Ken and Barbie doll: hmmmm ... somewhat "plastic" and not anatomically correct  :)  ....  [BTW:  Barbie Dolls are banned in Saudi Arabia ..... her outfits are too revealing   .....  what could possibly be "too revealing" on a doll that is not anatomically correct????]   ....  but do fear the pain that may come with it. Sat down and had a visit with my Doctor  ... shared with her my fears ... she assured me ... there are medications that will make passing painless.  So share with me .... can I rely on that?  Hope so. Most folks don't pass easily  .....  most folks are hurting when they pass .... some, at this point in their lives, can hardly wait to die:  the pain is that bad.  Your doctor can not proscribe meds at a level that "might" cause you to become addicted ... or pose a threat  ......  of causing you harm  ... reduce your life span  .....  risk killing you.  Share with me, when did you elect to have a third party, our State, decide when it is OK for you to pass .... a third party decide for you, that the pain has become so unbearable .... that it would be a tender mercy to let you pass.  Think about it.  How would they know?   Why would they care? Your time for making a choice is coming. Life is sacrosanct ... it is a gift, from God to you.  If the greatest gift God has given you, is life,  and with that life, free will, don't you have the ultimate choice  ...... to accept or reject the continuation of that life?  'Nuff said.

"Self Medicating" .. operationally defined, is trying to "heal" yourself.  Some of us "self medicate", alcohol, dope, religion, sex, work.  Why?  What is the illness we are trying to "heal".  The lack of meaning or purpose?  Trying to understand why we have a need to do so.   Most of us have evolved beyond "food, shelter and sex", (Maslow's Hierarchy .... http://www.karltimmerman.com/R122002.html ) ... and are in the process of trying to find meaning, purpose, self actualization. No one checks into this life with an "Owners Manual".  We live life by trial and error .. accordingly, we are programmed to make mistakes and learn from them.  "Self Actualization" is not inherent  ......   it is learned .........  another one of them "life is on the job training" things, "neocortex".  To reach your potential as a human being, you have to learn how to do it. So some self stimulate, self medicate,  while trying to figure out how. The interesting point is, "self medicating/stimulating" is, by definition, the antithesis of "self actualization. You can not heal that which is not sick. Think about it.

Guess I'm that "Huggers Guy".  <whispering> ... folks ...... "hugs" are really good things!!!  Two people, with their arms around each other, patting each other on the back.  Acknowledging the others worth as a fellow human being.  Settled a case on Wednesday ....   both parties walked away feeling equally stepped on .... good result.  Stopped by opposing counsel's office yesterday and had the privilege of greeting her with a warm brotherly hug.  She is now a friend .... clients come and go .... but opposing council is now a person who has and will enrich my life.  I am grateful for her contribution to my life  :)  Point being, I'm a German.  Germans don't hug ... they shake hands.  Somewhere along the line I learned to be comfortable enough with myself, feel self confident enough, to allow another person to put their arms around me and not feel threatened  ......  enjoy the affirmation of a fellow human being  :)   Hope you can all get there.

Been on the "South Beach Diet"  http://www.prevention.com/cda/feature2002/0,4780,5345,00.html since last Sunday.  As of this morning, I've lost 11 pounds. The only thing I miss .....  is bread.  Ok .... I'm baring my soul here ...... for the past week ... I've been having "wet dreams" about French Bread. I know this is really sick ....  I have never thought of myself  as a "loafer" ....  a "breadaphile"  ...  humping a loaf of bread?  I know I am strong enough to control myself:   but FRENCH bread?  Why not Italian?  geez ... a Pita already has the .... er ... correct connection    .......   and what about a staunch whole grain pumpernickel, (the Brunhilda of breads)?  [And no Les S.  .......  I am only interested in virgin loafs, no "sour doughs" , so I don't have to worry about STD's and yeast infections]    A quickie with a dinner roll would be nice  ......  but  ......  would it be adultery?  Have I already sinned by lusting in my heart?  hmmmm .... haven't even considered the consequences of eating a donut, (would be against the sodomy laws in Missouri)!

Sitting here editing the Ramblings and sipping on a BBB substitute, ("Raspberry Ice" Crystal Light with an ounce of rotgut Vodka over crushed ice ..... not bad). Zevon, Cash and Ritter all passed this week, (isn't the "Old Wives Tale" .... it comes in threes?) Each a remarkable human being.  Pandering to the Hispanic vote, elected representatives in California passed legislation which will allow illegal aliens to apply for and get a valid California drivers license, (illegal aliens?)   This week, our very own OCDC  asked for Rule 5 changes which limit it's accountability and further diminish fundamental notions of "Due Process" and fair play ....  don't they answer to the Missouri Supreme Court, (you know .... the staunch defenders of our Constitution  :)    I continue to be amazed by my good fortune in having the best friend, partner and lover a man can have:  my Susan, (although ... I've noticed ... she's hid the bread). Tonight, I'll go to sleep holding her while saying a prayer for the souls lost on 9/11, our men and women in uniform, my America, you   .....  and Susan and I.  Be and sleep well, (hold your significant other extra close tonight .... there is no guarantee you will have a tomorrow together) and remember  .....  the best there is, is on watch.

If my post offends, I apologize  ....  that is not my intent.
Karl (the way dumb country lawyer from Holden, Missouri)