Karl H. Timmerman M.A.J.D. 2002
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FEBRUARY 7, 2003
Greets and Huggers.  Posted the evening of February 7, 2003.  Last Saturday morning I, like you, watched with horror, as our Shuttle, Columbia, broke into pieces, 200,000 feet above our lives. I mourn with you, the loss of seven extraordinary lives.  Without a doubt, lives cut short .... lives worth celebrating. I weep.

The human spirit,
devoid of physical form,
lives on forever.

Our home is such a small place:  our "Earth".  An oasis in the unfathomable expanse of reality.  Holden is so very small, my home and the place I look forward to returning to because it teems with the life I hold most dear;    my Susan ...  the "damn Yorkies" ... the "damn Cats"  ...  my friends and neighbors.  .   Our species has an inherent curiosity:  we explore all we sense.  We have even built tools to allow us to see/know/explore the things we cannot.   This curiosity is an integral part of the "human spirit".   It has a price.  This week we made a payment.

We will start to "solve" the Iraq problem within the next few weeks.  Iraq knows it cannot win a military victory: it's only hope is to win a political victory.  With enough body bags, perhaps they can. The Vietnamese did.  'Nuff said.

Tough week for Susan and I.  On Tuesday, we found out that on the 17th, Susan will have several small tumors, hopefully fibroid,  removed from her breast, and her surgeon will do a biopsy of the two large "dense breast tissue" lumps remaining.  I thought the disappearance of the two "dark masses" was the end of this horror.  It isn't.  Yesterday, we found out Susan has a tumor the size of an orange on her uterus.  All indications are that it is a "fibroid" tumor   .... but it could be cancerous  ... we will know some time next week.  Another day in the life  ... not a good day.  Another week in the life  ...  not a good week.  Next week will be better.

Sitting here tonight trying to make sense of my feelings, (feelings are nonsensical).  I feel angry and I feel fear, don't have a clue about the anger, I think the fear is not for me but for Susan and our men and women in uniform.  It is curious to me because I do not fear their death:  I am a Christian, I know they will return HOME.  I fear they may suffer.  Perhaps I fear, I will suffer their loss in my life.  hmmmmm .... guess that means ... the fear is, after all, for me.  Have come full circle trying to make sense of the nonsensical.  There is great sadness in life.  There is no comfort in thinking all these bad things are just random happenings: perhaps they are not.  What keeps me going is the recognition that for every bad thing that happens, there is also a good thing.  There is balance. This balance, men call God.

Will hold my Susan as I go to sleep tonight and pray for insight.

If my post offends, I apologize ... that is not my intent.

Karl (the dumb ole country lawyer from Holden, Missouri).